What’s in a name

I’m having this weird thing with my name.

I’ve started to use a new name with close people or new people I’m meeting and, it’s… weird!

Not weird across the board-  with new people the new name feels really normal and nice and I like it.

With people who I already have a history with, (and like I said, I’m just trying it out with close people, I don’t even know if it’s definitely the name I want to end up with) it feels… weird. Kind of weird and gross, like it’s acting or their acting or something yuck for sure, very definitely awkward!

It’s currently making me less sure of who I am, rather than more.

I think it must be a really common feeling for anyone in a similar position, and right now, I mostly wanted to add my “This is weird”  to the melee.

….But, I think I’ve realised something about being addressed by my new name. When it’s happening by people I already know, both they and I have gotten used to the amount of affection they put into saying my old name. So now, whilst they’re even just trying to remember to say my new name, I think it doesn’t mean ‘me’ to them yet.

And just a final weird note, my new name feels totally fine when it’s written down.

Go figure.

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